Nothing I do, nothing I achieve means anything anymore. There's no one to share it with, no one to be proud of it, no one to encourage me. Excuse my self pity, but as it stands, I've held it back for a while now.
What the fuck is to come of me?
I'm utterly alone here.
How do you face it with no one on your side? Never in a thousand years would I have thought all this would happen by the time I'm 23. Why? Why seems like such a silly question to ask. To begin to put into words what I feel is impossible. Sometimes words explain things... but not this. There is no way to describe or make you understand what this feels like. This feeling, this reality, this is my past. My future. My reality.
Tears no longer alleviate my grief. Screaming, howling, punching, breaking. Nothing. So what now? All emotion has a cloud over it. Everything that comes through me is clouded with them. Coated with what they left behind. Smothered with memories. Choked with what happened.
I'm a shadow of the person I could have been.